Oh Logan

My little Logan.  Where do I start?  I had a few friends tell me that going from 0 to 1 child is a huge change (obviously) and that going from 1 to 2 children is an even bigger challenge.  Brian and I have parented 3 children through infancy into toddlerhood.  Vivian and Isabel presented their own challenges, but I must say that both of them combined didn't present 1/2 the challenge we've had with Logan.  We had the luxury of  parenting Vivian by herself for 2 years.  It was certainly challenging at times, but definitely manageable and loads of fun.  Isabel had been the most mellow, easiest child to parent hands down.  She is a huge helper and is very very in tune to my feelings and moods.  I'm pretty sure she has inherited my 6th sense when assessing others.  Logan, on the other hand, oh my.  He had been a HUGE challenge.  He can be incredibly cuddly and warm and loving, but he can also bash his head into things and scream like he's being stabbed for no reason other than he can't see me or that I'm not holding him.  My Mom got a glimpse into the daily life of Allyson, Logan and Isabel today.  I'm pretty sure she won't be coming back anytime soon.  Kidding!  In all seriousness though, I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do and how to handle Logan.  After Gramma left today and I was debating on going to Costco by myself or just going home Isabel said to me 'Mama, I'm really sorry Logan is so upset.  He's ok though.  Sometimes he just get mad.'

Logan will say Mama and Dada, but not unprompted.  He can say ball and milk, but he will only say milk unprompted.  Vivian and Isabel were both later talkers, so this wouldn't necessarily bother me, but combined with other things, I'm beginning to get a little worried.  His complete freak outs while in the car are not only tiresome for me and Brian, but I'm afraid that they're harmful to Logan.  He thrashes and hits himself in the face repeatedly.  On the last trip back to Austin from Houston he only screamed for an hour, but he hit himself and slammed his head into his car seat.

I took Logan to the doctor a couple of weeks ago because he was just miserable and would.not.stop.crying.  For real.  Usually I just hold him all day and he's ok, but for that week he was just inconsolable.  The doctor (not his usual doctor) didn't find anything wrong with him and of course he was super friendly and happy while we were there.  He's a tricky one.  I'm anxious to take him to our regular doctor for his 2 year check up.  I should probably warn his nurse to block off half the day for us.

I'm still thinking about something I overheard a few months ago.  Someone made a comment 'oh (so and so) is such a happy baby' and the parent said 'well, we try to keep (baby) that way.'  I found it incredibly offensive.  My baby is not 'such a happy baby' but we tried our damn hardest to make him that way.  It was the inference that since our baby isn't happy that we just don't try that really pissed me the fuck off.  I guarantee you that we try 100x's harder BECAUSE our baby isn't a happy, jovial one.  You, my friend, are luckily doing the minimum because you have an 'easy' baby.  Ugh.  That sounds so militant and hostile.  I guess I'm just militant and hostile these days.  It's too easy to become that way when you have a tough cookie.

I sometimes dream about just saying 'eff this' and going back to work.  But but but...I know I have a privileged lot in life to be able to raise my babies all day.  I'm very very thankful that I have an amazing partner who takes on more than his fair share of responsibilities around the house and with the kids.  He recognizes how difficult it is to raise 2 toddlers all day every day and respects the sacrifices my sanity has taken to do this.  If I didn't have Brian along with me every step of the way I'm not sure what I would do.  He never bats an eye that the laundry isn't folded, dinner isn't on the table or that I'm usually in my PJ's with a glass of wine in hand by the time he gets home.  He just does what he can and rarely complains.

So yes, my friends, it is WAY harder to raise 2 kids at a time than 1.  Way way way harder.