The Cotton Bowl is tonight! Whoop! Everyone was excited about wearing the 'Gig 'em Aggies' today, but after her nap Isabel was all about the pink and flowers.
I worked hard today taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning. So I mopped the kitchen floors. Logan and Isabel then went in the fridge and poured the remaing contents of a gallon of apple juice on the floor. Then logan had an accident on the floor. Then Logan decided to fling his applesauce all over the place. Fun!
But but but....today,despite it's massive challenges, I really felt like i was doing something. Like I was actually making a difference. I've been reading a book about activities for the 'out of synch' child and today I really felt like I actually did some good. We had fun. It was a very very challenging day because we were inside for all of it due to crappy weather.
Logan clearly...CLEARLY needs very specific stimulation every day in order to function at his best. I feel like once you realize this you can really connect with him and can understand where he is coming from. This book has really validated my feelings and interactions with him.
We have had issues with people thinking we're 'too lenient' or that we're 'too this' or 'too that.'. Well, this book really reinforced our parenting strategies and gave me a sense of hope. Yea, it's really really hard to have super patience win my child, but when you realize how he senses and sees with the world and how it is so very different from you, me' my daughter, your sons, etc, then it's easy. You do whatever it takes to give your child the best opportunities.
So thanks for the very unsolicited advice on raising MY kids, but I'll stick with the professionals. Until you've completed your advanced degrees in pediatric development and pediatric occupational therapy, we will not talk about your parenting 'advice.'. We don't want to hear it. We have read countless books and still don't have the answers. It's pretty insulting when you claim to know the answers because 'you know someone with 4 kid's and they don't have a kid who screams all the time.'. Super helpful. Do you think I like that my 2 year old has problems in new/different/unfamiliar environments????? Yes, I just LOVE, I mean LOVE when my child has a meltdown about his socks. Or about his toothbrush or about his shoes (insert anything) else. It makes me feel GREAT! So maybe instead of criticizing, giving the stink eye or just talking behind my back, you could, I don't know, ask what YOU, YOU as a person who loves this child, can do to help. It would mean a lot and would make us feel like we are on the same team. Because we are. I promise.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Setbacks and Progress
One day I hope to get a Christmas Part 2 post up, but the whole house has been battling nasty colds. I broke down and took NyQuil at 4am this morning. Big mistake. I was in a NyQuil coma when I heard Isabel calling for me. Not enough coffee for that.
Anyway, I wanted to post about Logan. His vocabulary has improved SO much lately. His teachers have especially noticed a big improvement . Recently though he's been exhibiting dangerous sensory seeking behaviors like trying to go head first down the stairs and putting everything in his mouth. Today he tried to eat a glue stick at school (his teacher said to watch for sticky poop. Awesome) and last night he put a brush with watercolor in his mouth and started sucking. We have our 3 month follow up with the developmental pediatrician next week and we are finally starting OT next week as well.
In some major progress Logan jumped off of a cardboard box and landed on BOTH feet!!! We've been working on this for months! He was about to jump and I said 'Logan think about jumping and landing with both feet.'. He hesitated, thought about it, and did it! This is huge! I'm so proud of him!
Today was the first day back at preschool after the break and Logan waved and said bye to me (after being prompted) with no tears! Isabel did great her first day back. Her original lead teacher is back from maternity leave, so I was a little worried about how she would take the transition. So far so good. I'm still really torn on if we should move them to MWF next year. It's SO expensive and I sort of want them with me longer, especially Isabel, who will be starting kindergarten the year after next. But then I worry about her transition from 4 hours 2x a week to 8 hours 5 days a week.
I've added a picture of Logan in his cute new outfit. Here's one of Isabel freezing. Apparently multiple layers (she's wearing tights under the pants, a long sleeve shirt AND sweater under the jaxket) weren't enough for the 45 degree temps. Geez, hope she never has to move someplace that actually gets cold! And a added a picture of Logan copying Isabel's every move.
Anyway, I wanted to post about Logan. His vocabulary has improved SO much lately. His teachers have especially noticed a big improvement . Recently though he's been exhibiting dangerous sensory seeking behaviors like trying to go head first down the stairs and putting everything in his mouth. Today he tried to eat a glue stick at school (his teacher said to watch for sticky poop. Awesome) and last night he put a brush with watercolor in his mouth and started sucking. We have our 3 month follow up with the developmental pediatrician next week and we are finally starting OT next week as well.
In some major progress Logan jumped off of a cardboard box and landed on BOTH feet!!! We've been working on this for months! He was about to jump and I said 'Logan think about jumping and landing with both feet.'. He hesitated, thought about it, and did it! This is huge! I'm so proud of him!
Today was the first day back at preschool after the break and Logan waved and said bye to me (after being prompted) with no tears! Isabel did great her first day back. Her original lead teacher is back from maternity leave, so I was a little worried about how she would take the transition. So far so good. I'm still really torn on if we should move them to MWF next year. It's SO expensive and I sort of want them with me longer, especially Isabel, who will be starting kindergarten the year after next. But then I worry about her transition from 4 hours 2x a week to 8 hours 5 days a week.
I've added a picture of Logan in his cute new outfit. Here's one of Isabel freezing. Apparently multiple layers (she's wearing tights under the pants, a long sleeve shirt AND sweater under the jaxket) weren't enough for the 45 degree temps. Geez, hope she never has to move someplace that actually gets cold! And a added a picture of Logan copying Isabel's every move.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Christmas part 1
We kicked off the holidays with Matt and Lindsay arriving from San Diego on Friday, December 21st. We had dinner at home and then in usual style I passed out on the couch around 9:30pm. Saturday Matt and Brian took the kids to the park and then Matt, Lindsay and Brian headed to jester king brewery while I stayed with the kids trying to get things packed up for the trip to Houston.
We headed to Houston around 5pm and made a quick stop for dinner. We got to Houston and got to love on Lucas an Ethan from afar. It took them a little while to warm up to the white folk. Ethan is ridiculously cute and Lucas looks like such a big boy! So good seeing Richard, Joanne, Lucas and Ethan after almost a year! GGB was in Houston and ready to party too!!!
Sunday we went to Montgomery and the kids played on the playground for a bit. We hit up market street for some lunch. Rich, Brian and I saw 'This is 40.' Funny! After watching 'Christmas Vacation' for the 948482949 time we called it a night.
Monday we met Jennifer, Greg, Matt and Lindsay at Saint Arnold's brewery for the 2nd year in a row. After the brewery we went to the Flying Saucer for drinks and food. While we were gone the kids made cookies for Santa. We arrived home to find both Isabel and Logan in aprons. So cute! Lucas and Isabel were icing cookies. We ate chili (of course) read 'The Night Before Christmas' and then put the kids to bed anxiously awaiting Santa. Meanwhile the elves started to put together a train table and finish wrapping presents.
Christmas morning we woke up (Logan had to be coaxed out of bed) and saw the fun presents Santa brought! After the Santa presents we had some yummy christmas morning casserole and then opened the rest of the presents. After naps and a lovely christmas dinner we headed over to the mangum's house for more christmas.
We had a nice meal with the mangum's and opened more presents. Wednesday we went over to the elementary school and played for a bit and then after lunch the kids had naps and we headed back to the woodlands.
Thursday (today) the kids went to the children's museum and Grammy and papaw met us their and then came over for lunch. We raced the RC cars in the street and then the neighbor lady came out with rage in her eyes and very rudely told us not to race the cars on HER yard. Im talking serious crazy walk and crazy face. It was very odd. She must have some issues going on to be a giant 'B' to 12 people having fun. Four of whom were little kids. What a weirdo.
Rich, Brian and I saw 'Django' this afternoon. It was really good, but long. I started to get really anxious towards the end. We got home and the kids were fed, bathed, and happy. A+ grandparents and GGB!
I'll post more later on. I just have my iPhone pictures for now.
We headed to Houston around 5pm and made a quick stop for dinner. We got to Houston and got to love on Lucas an Ethan from afar. It took them a little while to warm up to the white folk. Ethan is ridiculously cute and Lucas looks like such a big boy! So good seeing Richard, Joanne, Lucas and Ethan after almost a year! GGB was in Houston and ready to party too!!!
Sunday we went to Montgomery and the kids played on the playground for a bit. We hit up market street for some lunch. Rich, Brian and I saw 'This is 40.' Funny! After watching 'Christmas Vacation' for the 948482949 time we called it a night.
Monday we met Jennifer, Greg, Matt and Lindsay at Saint Arnold's brewery for the 2nd year in a row. After the brewery we went to the Flying Saucer for drinks and food. While we were gone the kids made cookies for Santa. We arrived home to find both Isabel and Logan in aprons. So cute! Lucas and Isabel were icing cookies. We ate chili (of course) read 'The Night Before Christmas' and then put the kids to bed anxiously awaiting Santa. Meanwhile the elves started to put together a train table and finish wrapping presents.
Christmas morning we woke up (Logan had to be coaxed out of bed) and saw the fun presents Santa brought! After the Santa presents we had some yummy christmas morning casserole and then opened the rest of the presents. After naps and a lovely christmas dinner we headed over to the mangum's house for more christmas.
We had a nice meal with the mangum's and opened more presents. Wednesday we went over to the elementary school and played for a bit and then after lunch the kids had naps and we headed back to the woodlands.
Thursday (today) the kids went to the children's museum and Grammy and papaw met us their and then came over for lunch. We raced the RC cars in the street and then the neighbor lady came out with rage in her eyes and very rudely told us not to race the cars on HER yard. Im talking serious crazy walk and crazy face. It was very odd. She must have some issues going on to be a giant 'B' to 12 people having fun. Four of whom were little kids. What a weirdo.
Rich, Brian and I saw 'Django' this afternoon. It was really good, but long. I started to get really anxious towards the end. We got home and the kids were fed, bathed, and happy. A+ grandparents and GGB!
I'll post more later on. I just have my iPhone pictures for now.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Master Bath Update
We decided to update our master bath. Jenn and I took care of refinishing the cabinets and Brian installed the new lights, faucets and door handles. Eventually we'll replace the brass on the other size of the bathroom with oil rubbed bronze, but changing out the tub and shower fixtures are much more involved than the sinks. Unfortunately one of the sinks was badly corroded underneath due to the presence of cleaning chemicals, so Brian had to replace the valves as well. We replaced the light bulbs with LEDs. At first it was like a blast of light when the light switch was flicked, but I'm used to it now and love it! If the darn things weren't so expensive I would love to replace all of the light bulbs in the house with LEDs. But, they are $20-30 each, so that's not happening anytime soon!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Heavy Heart
I wasn't sure if I was going to post anything on my blog about the Sandy Hook tragedy. I try to keep it a little light on the old blog, but since this is a sort of journal, I feel like I need to say something.
I feel so so sad for the families of the victims. I know what a long, hard, never ending journey grief is. It sucks. Hard. I also feel sad for the shooter. What a sad and seemingly hopeless life he must have been leading to take the lives of his mother, 20 children and 7 teachers and administrators. I also don't understand why the media even reports his name. I get that everyone wants to know why. WHY would someone kill innocent children? It makes no sense. I just don't think we should report the names of these sick people. Don't give them any infamy. It's gross.
So right after Vivian died I couldn't watch or read about reports of child abuse or the abduction/murder/anything of a child. I was so mad. It seemed like there were so many news reports of mothers or fathers abusing or killing their own children. Why wouldn't these children who were abused/tortured/murdered be taken in their sleep instead of being subjected to such atrocities instead of mine who was loved, cherished and so SO wanted? I know why.
Because life isn't fair. I was told over and over again as a child that 'life isn't fair' when I tried the 'but it isn't FAIR' argument with my parents. It's true. Life just isn't fair.
This year has been particularly hard on me. On Saturday it will be 5 years since Vivian died in her sleep. I haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit. At all. It's been a tough one.
I remember after Vivian died when my Dad was undergoing testing due to the presence of choroid cysts in his eyes. I thought surely the test would come back 100% normal because we already had our fair share of getting shit on in life. Well well....not so fast. It turns out he had lung cancer. My workout 6 days a week, non smoking Dad had freaking lung cancer. Talk about unfair. Was it because I wasn't a good enough Catholic? Because I married an Atheist? WHY? Turns out there is no why. Life isn't fair. And sometimes it sucks. BUT but but....we HAVE to make the most of it and live. LIVE this life to the absolute fullest. Make memories. Just do it. Throw caution to the wind. Have your heart broken into a million pieces. Again. Because you know what? It's worth it. It really is.
I'm trying to think of my life not as unlucky, but as absolutely blessed and lucky. I am lucky enough to have given birth to 3 gorgeous babies. I had 2 fantastic, wonderful, amazing years with Vivian. I have already had that and more with my precious Isabel and Logan. My Dad just had another clear CT scan. I have wonderful friends who would do anything for me and my family. I have a loyal dog who is defying the odds of doggie life. I have a family that I can count on no matter what. They have my back and are ALWAYS in my corner. And I have an amazing husband who gets up with our kids at night and who still puts up with my shit. I'm truly a lucky girl.
So on this 'eve of the end our our existence' or something. I must give thanks. I'm still pretty pissed at God and I'm sure he's not to thrilled with me right now, but I thank God, the Earth, Science, anything/everything for my blessings.
Here are some pictures from the kid's holiday parties today.
I feel so so sad for the families of the victims. I know what a long, hard, never ending journey grief is. It sucks. Hard. I also feel sad for the shooter. What a sad and seemingly hopeless life he must have been leading to take the lives of his mother, 20 children and 7 teachers and administrators. I also don't understand why the media even reports his name. I get that everyone wants to know why. WHY would someone kill innocent children? It makes no sense. I just don't think we should report the names of these sick people. Don't give them any infamy. It's gross.
So right after Vivian died I couldn't watch or read about reports of child abuse or the abduction/murder/anything of a child. I was so mad. It seemed like there were so many news reports of mothers or fathers abusing or killing their own children. Why wouldn't these children who were abused/tortured/murdered be taken in their sleep instead of being subjected to such atrocities instead of mine who was loved, cherished and so SO wanted? I know why.
Because life isn't fair. I was told over and over again as a child that 'life isn't fair' when I tried the 'but it isn't FAIR' argument with my parents. It's true. Life just isn't fair.
This year has been particularly hard on me. On Saturday it will be 5 years since Vivian died in her sleep. I haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit. At all. It's been a tough one.
I remember after Vivian died when my Dad was undergoing testing due to the presence of choroid cysts in his eyes. I thought surely the test would come back 100% normal because we already had our fair share of getting shit on in life. Well well....not so fast. It turns out he had lung cancer. My workout 6 days a week, non smoking Dad had freaking lung cancer. Talk about unfair. Was it because I wasn't a good enough Catholic? Because I married an Atheist? WHY? Turns out there is no why. Life isn't fair. And sometimes it sucks. BUT but but....we HAVE to make the most of it and live. LIVE this life to the absolute fullest. Make memories. Just do it. Throw caution to the wind. Have your heart broken into a million pieces. Again. Because you know what? It's worth it. It really is.
I'm trying to think of my life not as unlucky, but as absolutely blessed and lucky. I am lucky enough to have given birth to 3 gorgeous babies. I had 2 fantastic, wonderful, amazing years with Vivian. I have already had that and more with my precious Isabel and Logan. My Dad just had another clear CT scan. I have wonderful friends who would do anything for me and my family. I have a loyal dog who is defying the odds of doggie life. I have a family that I can count on no matter what. They have my back and are ALWAYS in my corner. And I have an amazing husband who gets up with our kids at night and who still puts up with my shit. I'm truly a lucky girl.
So on this 'eve of the end our our existence' or something. I must give thanks. I'm still pretty pissed at God and I'm sure he's not to thrilled with me right now, but I thank God, the Earth, Science, anything/everything for my blessings.
Here are some pictures from the kid's holiday parties today.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Disney World!
We had a great trip to DisneyWorld! So fun! We headed out to Houston on Tuesday right after preschool and then loaded up the RV and left for Florida on Wednesday. Wednesday we stopped right outside of Baton Rouge. Thursday it was Madison, Florida and then we made it to Disney on Friday afternoon. I really don't think Isabel had any idea where we were! We headed out to the Magic Kingdom Saturday morning and as we were waiting to head in the gates Isabel looked at the card and said "Why is this a Disney World card?" I guess she was talking about the castle on the front? Anyway, it was funny. She was a little overwhelmed, but very excited to be there. Over the next few days she kept asking me "can you believe that we're at Disney World?!" It was so cute. Jenn's boyfriend, Adam, was able to drive up from West Palm Beach and meet us for 2 nights! He had never been to Disney World either, so it was extra special.
We stayed at MK until nap time around 2:30pm. After naps Brian took Logan over to Jennifer and Greg's room so that I could take Isabel to the Bopidy Boutique to get her hair and makeup done for a special dinner at Cinderella's Royal table at the castle. It was a special, fun night for her. She met Cinderella, Ariel, Snow White, and Jasmine. Jennifer brought Logan to meet us and then we went on the carousel a couple of more times before heading back for the night. Sunday we went over to Animal Kingdom. We did the Safari and then Brian, Jay, Dad, and I did the Matterhorn ride while Jan, Mom and the kids did Dinoland. After naps we went over to Hollywood Studios. We had dinner at the Sci Fi Drive In. It was really cool, although Logan wanted to run around the drive in watching the movie from all angles and checking out all of the cars. After dinner we walked out to the spectacular Spectacle of Lights. It was stunning! There was actual snow that was floating down on top of us. So amazing! The lights were unreal. I could have stayed all night, but the kids were tired and I had a cold, so I took them back. BUT not before Isabel did the Star Wars ride! She is just barely 40 inches!!! This was huge and allowed her to go on some rollercoasters and more intense rides. She did Star Wars and wanted to do more.
On Monday we did Epcot. It was a little bit of a later start. We walked over to lunch in Germany and had some yummy bratwurst. After walking around and checking out the model train for a long time we caught the end of the St. Nik presentation in Canada. We were heading into the Figment ride when I got a text from my sister saying she spotted Princess Aurora and that there wasn't a line to see her! Woohoo! Jackpot! Isabel was SO excited. Cinderella and Aurora are her favorites, although she swears she loves all of the princesses equally. Anyway, it was adorable and we got some cute cute cute pictures. I love Figment, so that was a fun ride. My parents went to the Candlelight Processional after a nice dinner at the French restaurant. They really liked it!
The rest of the crew had dinner at Chef Mickey's and met lots of characters. After dinner Brian took Logan on a ride on the monorail and Jenn and I took Isabel over to Epcot. We ended up only going on the future ride (the one in the golf ball at the front of Epcot). Before we could stop her Izzy touched the button to listen to the entire story in Japanese. Awesome. Jenn had already been on the ride, so she narrated for us. We met Mom and Dad at the end of the ride and then headed back to the RV.
Tuesday we went over to Hollywood Studios and then had nice, long naps in preparation for a long night at the Magic Kingdom. We had dinner at the Crystal Palace. Not sure I would recommend that, but it was ok. The characters were really rushed and I felt like we were being pushed out because they seemed like they were closing. We took Isabel on Splash Mountain and Thunder Mountain. She LOVED them! We also saw the parade and the fireworks. It was a long night, but we closed it down! A midnight carousel ride is a must! We said goodbye to Frammy, Papaw, Jennifer, Greg and Lila because they were leaving on Wednesday.
Thursday we did the MK again. Fun! The last minute decision to see Mickey was a great one. Logan was SO excited. Like he almost couldn't handle it, so excited. His little hands and feet were doing his super happy excited dance. I really wished I had it on video. Seeing that sweet boy be so happy about Mickey was so special. He was dancing and just so HAPPY! I know Brian wasn't thrilled when I dragged him in 'just this one last thing!', but he was happy I made him. :-)
After naps we headed to Epcot and did the rides in Mexico and Norway before eating dinner at the Norwegian restaurant. It was so good! Great food and great characters! They even did a princess processional. Isabel took Logan's hand and they did it together. So cute.
We packed up the RV and headed to Pensacola for the night. Friday night was stopped outside of Baton Rouge again and then made it back to The Woodlands around 1:30pm on Saturday. We rested Saturday and had dinner at Rico's. Celebratory fajitas and margaritas were in order! Sunday I aimed to get on the road at 10am. Logan and Brian slept in until about 9am, so I was worried about our early start, but by gosh, we were on the road at 10 o'clock on the dot. Unfortunately in our hasty departure we forgot Brian's toiletry bag. Oops. Luckily he had his glasses on and not his contacts. That would have been a disaster.
Now we're back in our routine and ready for the week before Christmas!
Here are some pictures from my phone. I'll try to post some more a little later on. I think 90000 pictures on the blog might be a little overkill. ;)
We stayed at MK until nap time around 2:30pm. After naps Brian took Logan over to Jennifer and Greg's room so that I could take Isabel to the Bopidy Boutique to get her hair and makeup done for a special dinner at Cinderella's Royal table at the castle. It was a special, fun night for her. She met Cinderella, Ariel, Snow White, and Jasmine. Jennifer brought Logan to meet us and then we went on the carousel a couple of more times before heading back for the night. Sunday we went over to Animal Kingdom. We did the Safari and then Brian, Jay, Dad, and I did the Matterhorn ride while Jan, Mom and the kids did Dinoland. After naps we went over to Hollywood Studios. We had dinner at the Sci Fi Drive In. It was really cool, although Logan wanted to run around the drive in watching the movie from all angles and checking out all of the cars. After dinner we walked out to the spectacular Spectacle of Lights. It was stunning! There was actual snow that was floating down on top of us. So amazing! The lights were unreal. I could have stayed all night, but the kids were tired and I had a cold, so I took them back. BUT not before Isabel did the Star Wars ride! She is just barely 40 inches!!! This was huge and allowed her to go on some rollercoasters and more intense rides. She did Star Wars and wanted to do more.
On Monday we did Epcot. It was a little bit of a later start. We walked over to lunch in Germany and had some yummy bratwurst. After walking around and checking out the model train for a long time we caught the end of the St. Nik presentation in Canada. We were heading into the Figment ride when I got a text from my sister saying she spotted Princess Aurora and that there wasn't a line to see her! Woohoo! Jackpot! Isabel was SO excited. Cinderella and Aurora are her favorites, although she swears she loves all of the princesses equally. Anyway, it was adorable and we got some cute cute cute pictures. I love Figment, so that was a fun ride. My parents went to the Candlelight Processional after a nice dinner at the French restaurant. They really liked it!
The rest of the crew had dinner at Chef Mickey's and met lots of characters. After dinner Brian took Logan on a ride on the monorail and Jenn and I took Isabel over to Epcot. We ended up only going on the future ride (the one in the golf ball at the front of Epcot). Before we could stop her Izzy touched the button to listen to the entire story in Japanese. Awesome. Jenn had already been on the ride, so she narrated for us. We met Mom and Dad at the end of the ride and then headed back to the RV.
Tuesday we went over to Hollywood Studios and then had nice, long naps in preparation for a long night at the Magic Kingdom. We had dinner at the Crystal Palace. Not sure I would recommend that, but it was ok. The characters were really rushed and I felt like we were being pushed out because they seemed like they were closing. We took Isabel on Splash Mountain and Thunder Mountain. She LOVED them! We also saw the parade and the fireworks. It was a long night, but we closed it down! A midnight carousel ride is a must! We said goodbye to Frammy, Papaw, Jennifer, Greg and Lila because they were leaving on Wednesday.
Thursday we did the MK again. Fun! The last minute decision to see Mickey was a great one. Logan was SO excited. Like he almost couldn't handle it, so excited. His little hands and feet were doing his super happy excited dance. I really wished I had it on video. Seeing that sweet boy be so happy about Mickey was so special. He was dancing and just so HAPPY! I know Brian wasn't thrilled when I dragged him in 'just this one last thing!', but he was happy I made him. :-)
After naps we headed to Epcot and did the rides in Mexico and Norway before eating dinner at the Norwegian restaurant. It was so good! Great food and great characters! They even did a princess processional. Isabel took Logan's hand and they did it together. So cute.
We packed up the RV and headed to Pensacola for the night. Friday night was stopped outside of Baton Rouge again and then made it back to The Woodlands around 1:30pm on Saturday. We rested Saturday and had dinner at Rico's. Celebratory fajitas and margaritas were in order! Sunday I aimed to get on the road at 10am. Logan and Brian slept in until about 9am, so I was worried about our early start, but by gosh, we were on the road at 10 o'clock on the dot. Unfortunately in our hasty departure we forgot Brian's toiletry bag. Oops. Luckily he had his glasses on and not his contacts. That would have been a disaster.
Now we're back in our routine and ready for the week before Christmas!
Here are some pictures from my phone. I'll try to post some more a little later on. I think 90000 pictures on the blog might be a little overkill. ;)
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