Logan's 4th Birthday

Scenes from Logan's 4th birthday party.  Thanks to Uncle Matt and Aunt Jenn for flying in for it!  Thanks to everyone for making Logan feel special on his 4th birthday!

Scenes from Isabel's 5th Birthday

Last night as a 4 year old!

Isabel is FIVE!

I remember when this happened:

One of the best moments of my life.  I was so happy to see those little hands, feet and face that my heart felt like it would burst.  She has brought so much joy, laughter and light to our family that it's truly indescribable.  I love that little pretty girl more that words could possibly express.  I just can't believe that she's 5.  Where did the time go?  She's grown up so much this past year!

What is your favorite color?  Pink and purple
What is your favorite song?  a new song I made up.
What is your favorite animal?  a zebra
What is mommy's favorite color?  pink and purple
What is your favorite food?  cookies, lollipops, tomato soup, mushrooms
What is your favorite movie?  Pirate Fairy Movie
What is your favorite show?  Ninja Turtles
Favorite friend?  Maddie
Favorite teacher?  Ms. Annie and Ms. Jyoti
Favorite thing to do?  Paint and color
Favorite thing to do outside?  Swing and hopscotch
Favorite place to go on vacation?  gramma and grampa's house
Best memory of your entire life?  getting my fingernails painted for the 1st time.

haha....the mind of a 5 year old.

I spend a lot of time and effort on her party this year.  A. lot.  Many hours after the kids went to bed planning, buying, cutting, pasting, etc.  It was all worth it.  I'm pretty sure I had more fun planning and prepping her party than she did.  I loved it!  She would have been perfectly happy with a cupcake and her closest buddies over.

Bluebonnets 2014

The night before

I realize I haven't posted anything about Izzy's party.  I will.  This week has been tough.  I totally blocked out the fact that Logan is scheduled for a brain MRI and EEG tomorrow.  I was so preoccupied with Izzy's bday that I sort of blocked it out.  Well, it's here.  It started at 8:15am todaybwith calls from the anesthesiology group and the hospital.  2k later and I think we're all set up for tomorrow.  I downloaded about 7000mb of movies and tv shows.

I wasn't really excited and sure about doing these tests, but after discussing it with Brian I think it's the right thing to do.  He wants as much information as possible.  I tend to agree, but I am very hesitant to put a kid under general anesthesia for the results.  But...if we didn't have a history with Vivian maybe I wouldn't be so willing to go along with it. Since we do have that history I'm all for doing anything and everything we can to get as much info as we can.  Even if we have to sell our house to pay for all of this shit.

I won't lie, this week has been hard.  I've had a short temper and I'm tired after Izzy's party.  I'm tired of looking up medical record after medical record after medical record.  I'm tired of having to explain Vivian's death to people over and over and over again.  I am tired of Brian working until 10 pm or later.  It sucks.  But I am also appreciative that Logan is in generally good health, that we have health insurance and that Brian makes enough money to cover these ridiculous costs.  Yes, we might not be able to take a super fun (or any) trip that isn't subsidized, but, it's ok.  We've got each other and we've got good friends.  I had a good girlfriend offer to watch our kids so that we could go out today.  She's offered it before, but I think she heard the desperation in my voice today.  We might just take her up on it!  Being a parent is hard.  It's hard if you have one typically developing kid. If you have one not typically developing kid and one with life - threatening allergies?  Oh and you are dealing with the death of a child?  Good luck. It's in the hardest-shit-you-will-ever-deal-with-in-your- entire-life sort of hard. And I really hope you never have to know this sort of hardship.

I almost hit 'publish' twice but I haven't. It's hard putting yourself out there.  This is how I feel.  I must say, I'm so humbled by the love and support I've received from my friends and family today.  I put the call out and they circled the wagons. So THANK YOU!!!!!